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  • David Linaker

Honouring Your Story – Why You Need to Know Yourself to Love Yourself


"In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you."

Andrea Dykstra



The story of who you are today is a rich story, sometimes as sweeping as Lord of the Rings, sometimes as befuddling as a John le Carré spy novel, yet every snippet of dialogue and every plot twist has made you who you are.


As I write this, I can see you rolling your eyes in incredulity. What does he mean? My story? My simple little life? Well let me tell you that from 25 years’ experience of listening to thousands of funeral eulogies, I can tell you that no life, without exception, is simple or little.


From the moment you were conceived, a rich story began. Your earliest experiences set the scene along with the family into which you were born. Your earliest relationships, friendships, schooling, all these are part of a rich and complex embroidery in which your life intertwines with the lives of those around you. Those relationships form and inform our view of ourselves, but we often forget their fragile and subjective nature and treat them as if they were hard and fast evidence. We were bullied, so we must be weak. We were dumped, so we must be ugly. You get the picture.


Any historian will tell you that there are no such things as facts; there are events and the interpretation of events. Interpretation is always partial, and we must always be ready to change our own, possibly very fixed, interpretation.


For instance, I once viewed my father as a paragon of honesty and took his criticisms of me as the words of an honest man. I now know that in many areas of his life he was far from honest and far from kind. That knowledge has reshaped my story.


Here’s some things I’ve learned:


1. The story isn’t over until it’s over. One day you will surrender your life back to the Universe and your authorship of your story will come to an end. Until then, you get to explore, to question, to turn every stone, examine every plot twist and get lost in the rich saga of your journey.


2. Knowing your story and being ready to let it change and, in so doing, change you is the root of humility and humility is the foundation of happiness.


3. The truth really does set you free, but it might be as illusive as a Kingfisher. Glimpses of its streaking blue light will gladden the heart, but they may be fleeting. Don’t be put off, keep searching.


4. You are the hero of your own story. You are the centre of its narrative. Other people are heroes of their stories in which you may or may not play an important part, but you will always be the hero of your own story.


To fix a free call to see how we might work together to let your story become the engine of your vision and the powerhouse of your purpose, just drop me an email.

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